Frustration: It's an Art Thing...

So my 19th birthday recently passed (August 8th), and it was possibly the most terrible day in my life.  Not only is mother nature a bitch (if you catch my drift), but I found like, 6 gray hairs that week!  I'm freakin 19 years old!  And upon finding those little white hairs, and holding them in my freakishly small hands...I had a revelation...

What the f*** am I doing with my life?

I was awarded a portfolio scholarship from the Kendall College of Art and Design recently and will be attending next year.  I'm going back to my local community college this year to amp up my GPA so I can actually be awarded the scholarship, and I look at what I've done this summer and it's absolutely NOTHING.  Of course I've been working two jobs and recording my anime podcast with mah bestest buddies (check us out at www.myspace.com/ilikepoprocks) but that's still no excuse as to why I haven't produced a single piece.  I really feel like a total and complete failure, and I really need to find the confidence to actually draw.  I literally get so anxious before drawing that I'll start out with the stick figure and if that doesn't look right I'll just stop altogether.

Before I decided to pursue art as a career, I was originally going to become an actress.  I've been in 2 school plays, hosted talent shows, star of the choir, blah blah blah.  But I fell so hard for it and loved it so much that I become so overly critical of myself that I couldn't even function properly.  It was at that point that I knew I couldn't do this as a career, and I focused all of my energy on art.  It's frustrating as all hell to be that hard on myself, and I really don't know what to do.  I know I'm not the best artist in the world, but I'm definitely not the worst.  I want to show the world what I can do and welcome them into my world of insanity and prismacolor pencils.  Any advice given would help (though I doubt people will even respond because I'm not some "big wig subscriber" to this lovely site) but I'm really trying.  It's something I'm working on and will continue to work on until I and those whom I share my art with are satisfied.  My dream is to one day turn my story "Half Breed" into a comic and I can't do that unless I have confidence in myself and my art abilities.

And speaking of Half Breed, I'm extremely proud of the way it's coming!!  I've written down summaries of each chapter that I write and I'm estimating this story will be close to 50 chapters!  I want to thank everyone who's been following along with it, it's my baby and I love it so.  Celeste was the first character that I had ever created at the tender age of 15, and Trinity, Kurnar, Lunaki, and the rest of the cast are deep in my heart as well.  I just hope to get more FEEDBACK and am eager to find out how other readers think of it as well!!

One last thing: I am still interested in modeling for any local artists (by local I mean the Michigan area).  Just send me a note if interested in using me in a piece and I'll send you all the info you need to know about me!

Thanks guys, and I really hope you enjoy my gallery and such.  I feel a little better now that I wrote everything in this journal, but feedback and love is much much appreciated!!!